My blog this week is a personal interpretation of Psalm 23, part of which God gave to me days before we found out our sweet baby’s heart quit beating around 20 weeks of life. The rest of it, God gave me a couple of days after that news, in what I have been calling our “week of faith,” where we invited everyone we knew to pray with us in faith, that God would raise our sweet boy back to life. Today, as I piece these rough drafts together, I’m sitting in a season of questioning why God would allow our promised baby to die, and why he chose to not bring him back to life. As I read through the words God gave me, I realize that it’s a message my heart needs to meditate on in this season. That his truth doesn’t change depending on my grief and my feelings. His truth is solid when we are not. As you read through this, I pray that God ministers to your heart in whatever season you are in.
The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. (He has already given me and provided for me all that I need- physically and spiritually.)
He makes me lie down in green pastures. (This does not mean that there is no danger- it simply means that I can have peace, because he is watching over me in the midst of trouble. Danger is not my business but his. I don’t need to let it concern or consume me.)
He leads me beside STILL waters. (The waters will not overcome me. He helps me to find peace in the midst of chaos. Somehow, he brings refreshing here.)
He restores my soul. (He gives back, he restores what the enemy tries to kill, steal, and destroy. He is a safe place for my heart.)
He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. (These are the paths that he has me follow him on; he is always going before me. He clears the way so that I do not have to be afraid. These paths bring me closer to him, and in the process, my walk will bring glory to him. The process makes me look like him and point those around me to his heart.)
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and staff, they comfort me. (I WILL walk through the valley of the shadow of death, it is a necessary path I must take, but it is a temporary season. Shadows are never here to stay. I have no reason to fear because he has always been with me, and he will always be with me. His rod protects me from any and all attacks of the enemy. I find comfort in how he leads. In how he protects. He is always prepared.)
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. (His anointing protects me from the elements of life and soothes my pain. It marks me as a royal daughter, a royal priestess. My cup has all that I need and more. He is the God and King of over-provision. My enemies are seated around me at the table of the King. I am in the seat of honor, at the head of the table, and each of my enemies is dripping with hatred towards me, but they are frozen in fear- they cannot even look at me. Because of their fear, they certainly cannot eat the marvelous feast God has laid before me. The reason they cannot move is because of who is standing behind me at this table. It’s God, my Father. He is larger than life, a giant bodyguard. They are terrified to even look his direction, which is also my direction. I pay no attention to them as I eat what God has generously provided, to not only nourish me- but to also bless me. These are not just the things I need, but also things that bring me pleasure and joy. These enemies have names- they try and terrorize me with their lies. Their names are ones like Miscarriage, Loneliness, Financial Hardship, Pride, Abandonment, Anger, Bitterness, Unforgiveness, Shame, and Grief. But in the end, their names make no difference, because of who my Father is and the names that he gives me. He gives me names like Chosen, Healed, Redeemed, Wanted, Forgiven, Blessed, and Beloved. All these names he gives me and countless similar ones.)
Surely your goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD forever. (Your goodness and mercy continue to chase after me, it’s a “for sure” thing. There is no place or time I can go to escape them. There is room for me in his house forever. It’s my safe place where I want to be, where I want to stay, and where I want to saturate myself in his loving presence.)
