In today’s blog I want to talk about marriage. Now if you are single, it’s all good because this is for you too. Learn about these things before you are in them. The best time to learn what to do in a fire is not once the house is blazing and consumed, but before there ever was any smoke. Prepare yourself, single people, for the journey that is marriage.
I’ve heard a couple people now offer insight on marriage, and what they said has really stuck with me and has bothered me ever since I heard them say it. They are trying to tell others how to have a great marriage by describing the marriage relationship as 50/50. How marriage is a give and take relationship, how it is “half me” and “half you.” This bothers me because it is wrong. This is not a biblical marriage. This is not what God has called husbands to do for our wives, and it is not what God has called wives to do for their husbands. To say that a marriage is 50/50 is such a selfish point of view. Why? Because this gives the impression that I only have to do half the work, half the chores, half the child raising, half the listening, half the loving, half of anything, and then it's up to you to do the rest.
But this kind of thinking doesn’t take into account the reality of life. What happens if there is a death on the wife's side of the family? What happens if the husband loses his job due to no fault of his own? What happens if the enemy is attacking the husband night and day and will not let up? What happens if the wife becomes ill? What happens when either one doesn’t have their “50%” to give? With this 50/50 selfish mindset, it’s easy to consider saying to your spouse, “Well, I don’t care, find it! I did my part. I gave my 50%. I need a partner, not excuses.” Do you see how this is not a biblical marriage?
Ephesians 5:24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.
I love this verse because this is our example of a biblical marriage. This is it, ladies and gentlemen, we have found the key to marriage. It says, “Husbands love your wives!” Did it say to love her only when she brings her 50%, or only if she respects you, or only if she treats you right? Does it tell the ladies to submit to your husbands only when you feel like submitting, or only when he is right? No, it doesn’t say these things because that’s selfish thinking. In fact, it tells us to love our spouse the way Jesus loves the church (or you as a believer).
This paints a very clear picture of, whatever the case, we are to love them. Whether they are right or wrong, love them. Jesus has never turned His back on me; He has loved me through my best moments and my worst. In every season, situation, and struggle, He has loved me through it.
When are we going to learn that marriage is not 50/50? It is 100/100/100! I must put forth an effort of 100% as the husband, no matter what. There will be seasons when my wife only has 15% to give because life has robbed her of the other 85%. That’s when I’ll need to be ready to give more, to pour out an abundance of love, while taking very little in. The same is true for wives. There will be seasons when we husbands only have 30% to give. Instead of resorting to the selfish way of thinking and being upset that your husband hasn’t brought his half, try to remind yourself of a time when your husband carried you because you didn’t have your half. There are plenty of times in marriage we have to pick up the slack for one another and love the other person a little more. When life gets tough, we need to adapt and change with it. Otherwise, we get angry, bitter, and hurt when people can not hold up their half.
Some of you may say, “Well, Scott, you said 100/100/100! I think you added an extra one hundred percent in there.” No, the first hundred is yours and the next is your spouse’s. But if you really want a good marriage, you need a biblical one. So the third one hundred percent represents a marriage that is 100% centered around Jesus. He is not just our example on how to love, He is love (1 John 4:16). Jesus is the glue that holds marriages together. We don’t love each other because of what the other does. That’s the selfish “I’ll do for you if you do for me” mindset. No, we love our spouse simply because Jesus does. We love them freely, unconditionally, and without fail. It is not easy, and it is going to be difficult, painful, and not what I want to do at times. But I imagine Jesus feels that same way about me too from time to time. However, with the help of the Holy Spirit and through serving Jesus, loving our spouse as Jesus loves us is possible.
I encourage you today to evaluate if you have a selfish mindset in your marriage. If you do, ask the Lord to correct it. Ask Him for help on how to love properly. Who better to teach you than the Man who displayed love perfectly? Let’s start putting in 100% regardless of what the other brings to the table.
