Holidays are a joyous, happy, loving, aggravating, stressful, and demanding time of the year. I love my family dearly, but when you are hosting a big event like Thanksgiving or Christmas, it doesn’t really matter who is in attendance, there is a lot of pressure. Pressure to have the house spotless. Pressure to be a professional chef. Pressure to make sure people enjoy themselves. Now there are people such as myself who enjoy this pressure and look forward to cooking and cleaning. My wife and I love to host but it still brings a little stress regardless. Then you have the whole family gatherings. That is a completely new level of craziness. This is where the aunts, uncles, cousins, friends who are like family, and everyone else is invited, all at the same time. This is where things can get a little bit nuts. Let’s talk about this for a moment.
One thing I want to address is the spiritual side of things. If you are hosting but not yet praying, let me save you from wondering whether you’ll struggle, because you will struggle. If you do not take time to pray over your cooking, pray over your family who has not yet arrived, pray over the conversations that will take place, pray over the kids who are going to be hyper, then you are already behind. Please remember that prayer will change your holidays because we serve a God who hears you and desires to help you.
There is another thing that always shocks me when it comes to the holidays. When people ask me, “Pastor Scott, how do I deal with my family member who is a problem?” “What do you mean?” I would ask. “Well, cousin Bubba comes over and gets drunk every year and then starts in with the political rants and usually ends up in a fight with one of the uncles.” My answer was simply a question. “Would you tolerate this behavior from a stranger?” Every time I get the same response from others. “Well, of course not. But he is family.” There it is, that statement that makes no sense to me - “but he is family.” Listen, I understand loving people and extending grace, but you should get an invite to places based on your character, not on your bloodline. If someone consistently ruins family functions and hurts those who are gathering, then why continue inviting them? We all, including myself, need to get better with establishing healthy boundaries. John 13:34 says, “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.” Now, when I read this verse in the past, it read more like a new commandment given to us, to love them as much as you can until you lose it and blow up. But the good news is we can just move past it and act like it never happened, just like Jesus forgives and forgets our sin. Am I alone in this? Has anyone read this and thought something similar? That is not what this verse means, by the way.
God loves us more than we can ever understand. However, there are still healthy boundaries that God has set up for us. Not to hurt us but to love us properly. To help us grow and change to become more like Jesus. Some of these are also known as the Ten Commandments. Time and time again we see Jesus and His disciples telling people difficult truths, but doing it in love. Tell me again why we can’t love Bubba enough to tell him the truth and encourage him to change his ways and to set up healthy boundaries with him? To communicate clearly what we expect of him if he is going to attend our family gathering and to also let him know what will happen if he breaks our agreement. The answer to this is often because we know that he is not going to listen. Well, unfortunately, that is where it becomes Bubba’s choice. If he should choose to not respect the love and grace filled boundaries, then he does not get to attend. Jesus loves us all enough to offer the gift of eternal life but whether you will receive that gift, well that’s up to you. God requires you to make a decision. Are you going to choose to believe and follow Jesus or are you going to continue on in your current way of living that goes against His will? Requiring elementary decorum and other fundamental things of your guests, even family, is not hateful or wrong. It is simply loving them like Jesus loves us. Jesus challenges me when I am wrong. He loves me enough to say, “Scott, I love you, but this perpetual sin that you’re doing is hurting the people around you and I love you too much to just sweep it under the rug. We need to talk about it.”
I praise the Lord for the difficult conversations He is willing to have with me because it always helps me. I encourage you today to look at your holidays and see how you can properly love those around you. Please do not go overboard and be the etiquette police kicking people out for burping. But instead, PRAY! Ask the Holy Spirit to guide you in this season. To help you know when to love and when to give grace and when to challenge people by having difficult conversations. Just remember to always demonstrate 1 Corinthians 16:14 and “Let all that you do be done in love.” God bless you all and I hope you all have a wonderful holiday season.
