I recently heard a quote by John Bevere that said, “When I leave this world, I want to be more in love with Jesus than when I started ministry.” That statement caused me to question not only what my love for Jesus will look like when my time here on earth is over. But also, what does my love for Jesus look like now, compared to when it started over 16 years ago?
My relationship with Jesus, in many ways, looks similar to my relationship with Thomas. When Thomas and I first started dating, things were fast, loud, exciting, and new. I loved Thomas, and although there was a lot of infatuation, there was not a lot of depth to our relationship. But now, after almost 16 years, Thomas is my calm; he brings me peace, and he is a safe place for my heart. My love for him is so much deeper now than it was when I was 19 years old. I can trust him because he has proven himself trustworthy and dependable. His love is a firm foundation for our marriage. Our love now is less wild and more calm, slow, and quiet. It’s the kind of love you can rest in. It didn’t just magically happen, though; we have done so much LIFE together. We have disagreed, argued, and healed. We have been through deep sorrows and great joys. We have walked through dark seasons and watched Jesus shine his light in the most unexpected ways. But truly, it has been in the trials that we have worked through together that have grown us deeper and truer into each other’s hearts. The trials have done this, in ways that the easy seasons never could have.
Similarly with Jesus, in those first years of my relationship with him- I was on fire, loud and proud. I was so excited by the immediate changes that he was bringing into my life. There was a lot of infatuation, and I was always learning new things about his heart for me. Now, 16 years later, I no longer live from experience to experience; instead, I feel his constant, reassuring, and comforting presence with me always. He is with me when I go to sleep and when I wake up, when I worship and when I grieve. He is with me when I enjoy him and when I feel hurt by him. He is with me when I blindly follow him and when I hesitantly trust his plan. He doesn’t leave me when I keep asking questions like a toddler- “Are we there yet?,” “But, why?” and so often “Why me?”. He continues to reveal things to me, treasures for my heart that are both new and old, all of which keep me in awe of his steadfast support, love, and care for me. He is the truest firm foundation, the truest calm, and the truest safe place for my heart. Anything good in my relationship with Thomas is only because it is a reflection of the love that Jesus has for us and gives to us.
But similar to the seasons of heavy in my relationship with Thomas and how they have grown us deeper together, Jesus uses the valleys to show me his nearness. He’s telling me that in the valley is fertile soil, in the valley is his provision, and in the valley is living water. In the valley is rest and shade from the oppressive heat and elements. As I currently walk through this valley with Jesus, I honestly do not enjoy much about it. Often, I am even angry that I must be here, but I KNOW that he is going to use this time in the valley with him to grow my roots deeper. Nothing in this valley will be wasted, as he uses this time for me to know him more intimately. In the valley, the heavy is used as fertilizer for my growth in Christ.
Life is full of valleys. If you haven’t yet experienced one, or even several, you’re going to. I don’t say this to be a downer, but I say this to encourage you to push into Jesus in your valley. He promises to draw near to us as we draw near to him. He might not meet you in the ways you wish he would, but he WILL meet you in the ways that he knows you need him to. His ways are not our ways, and although I think we all go through times of wishing that he would do it “our way,” we can know and trust that his way is truly and eternally better. I want to encourage you to be genuine and honest with Jesus as you push into him, keep those doors of communication open for your heart. This is the best way I know how to hear from him. As we look at scripture, people like Job, Jeremiah, David, Naomi, and countless others were more than real with God about their grief, trials, and questions, and he always met them there.
Isaiah 43:2 in the New Living Translation says, “When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.” From this verse, we can conclude that we WILL go through deep waters and rivers of difficulty. We WILL walk through fires of oppression, but in all of it, God says HE WILL BE WITH US! We will not drown, be burned up, or consumed by flames. The trials and refinings of life are almost always painful, but we serve a big God who promises to work every single detail for the good of those who love him and are called according to his plan and his purpose. The trials serve his bigger purpose of causing us to fall more in love with him as we do life with him.
"Here on earth, you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world." -Jesus (John 16:33b)
